Optimistic Super Nova Explosion

I simply feel like I’m in 8th grade again. Like i whispered to my best guy friend on the playground about how I might be different. How I think I like dudes. 

That’s when everything changed in my life. I lost the 29 friends I had from Kindergarten, even though 3 of them would come out shortly after high school. Its always been rough not having guy friends. Ray and I’s friendship demised somewhere over lust, frustration, and who else knows in the years… Caleb and I were close but naturally drifted. Fox & I, well that was a mess. Nick was the best friend I ever had. He always listened, he always cared, I always took him for granted. It hurts so much always being a lone wolf. It hurts so much to be myself, and be alone. We would hold each other, tell each other our deepest secret, to make the other feel better. Never a secret untouched, and never less than honesty. But it seems that’s all lost, and I’ve been crossed. It’s like I crashed on Plymouth Rock, and the time does’nt tick on the clock.

The sun in my solar system, offers warmth and affection. The Atmosphere that provides gravity and support. The water that refreshes and nourishes. What do you do when these all change in your world? The Sun won’t share, the Atmosphere doesn’t care, and the water runs bare… I don’t know what to do to reach out to you. I’m lost without you, I’m just not there.

I’m losing you and its effortless,

and I can’t let it go down untill we torch it ourselves

My heart is Screaming, my brain repeating; baby please tell me whats the reason? 

I used to be the one who could see the light in your eyes, now all you show is the pain deep inside. I used to know that you loved me and that was all that matters, but my thoughts start to turn me rabid. My pulse hits a spike, maybe its you texting me in the middle of the night, reaching out your hand for me, like I had for you. Never meant to disrespect or hurt you, now my life’s just punishment in virtue. All I’m trying to say to you is the only thing that matters to me is the love between us two.

Its like everyday I find a new crack in my heart. A new pain to feel punishment from, another cage I can’t escape. Another stage of my fate, and its internally all feeling 2nd rate. I can’t take much more, and I don’t think my heart knows what else to do…

every second I feel like I’m losing you, every second I feel further from you, every second I’m dying for you.

my heart just hurts for what its worth.

Your drifting away and I feel no pain.

I am pain through and out, deep inside, all about.

My heart was mangled my love joy tangled in a lousy web

My hope and dignity I did shred, for what its worth

I’ve loved no other more.

Drifting apart. Idk why or what. Idk how I got in this clutch.

I dont remember much of much, I just know i turned and bam. Like a Bomb.

When I came to it was all instict, flagged someone down its all history.

All i wanted was safety and love, all i wanted was in your arms to hold.

All i know is that I love you. My heart hurts cause of what I’ve done now.

My heart hurts for what I become.

My heart hurts for all the pain I caused you.

My heart hurts for what I’ve done to you.

My heart hurts cause I’ll put noone above you.

My heart hurts when I think of all your have now.

My hear hurts because I caused you pain when I all wanted was you.

Everyone says I have such Personality,
Then why is that there is nobody here in reality?
If I’m so enigmatic and charismatic, why is it that
I have to plead and claw to get a friend to call?

If I’m so amazing maybe we should be blazing,
But instead its myself I’m re-arranging
Because apparently nothing I do is good for you
Or you would be here, a friend when I need you

Constantly changing, wondering why I’m even phased
It’s like i can see your next page, ignore, that’s a score.
All i really want is a friend, someone close, someone dear
But I guess that’s really tough, when your filled with fear.

Yup, Just add a “Pain” Bubble for mah heart.